I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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