There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
