The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
