I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
