i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
