I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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