i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
