went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
