She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
