Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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