my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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