His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
