He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
