plz talk dirty to me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
