ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
