Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
