i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
