So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
