i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
