Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
