Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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