I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
