Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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