I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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