Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
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