i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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