dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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