remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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