My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
