Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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