you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
