You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
