I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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