I want to make a zoo with you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
