I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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