just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
