My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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