I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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