Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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