My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
