Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
