After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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