i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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