Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
