at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
