It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think your dad took our porno
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
