would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
