it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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