you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
