she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
