I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
