I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
