Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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